My Dearest Baby,
I was born when you were born. You were the one who has made me a mother! You were the gift from God who has made the metamorphosis from a woman to a mother possible. You have taught me what unconditional love means. You have filled my heart with so much love I am afraid it is going to burst! You have made me whole and I can’t even remember how I used to be before you had come into my life. I have learned from you to find joy in the little things and to re-discover everything around me. You are more important than my sleep, my hunger, my blues, my tiredness, my life!
I have loved you from the moment you were taking form in my womb! I loved your every move then and I love your every move now! I knew from the second I first laid eyes on you and whispered “Hi, baby!” into your ear that you were going to hold the key to my heart forever! I still feel your weight on my chest every time I think about that moment. You were so fragile and vulnerable! Your life and wellbeing depended on me.
What a great gift and responsibility! The fear that I was going to mess you up was trying to creep into my heart, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to be a good mom to you. I know I’m not perfect and I make mistakes but we learn and better ourselves, together. I just want you to know that in everything I do, I have your interest in mind. You are my priority.
I am amazed every day by your beautiful heart and mind and I am so proud of you! I celebrate with great joy every millstone in your life! I love your attention for details and how you watch the ants outside, how you notice my eye shadow, how you read for hours and observe every little picture, how you love every drop of water you can find, how you sing “jingle bells” no matter the season, how you make all the animals sounds, your passion for tractors, trains and trucks, and so much more!
I’m watching you sleep and I’m kissing your warm forehead. I wonder … what kind of man are you going to be? What kind of student? Will you be the one who starts a fight or the peacemaker? Will you be bullied? Will you have good friends? Will you be a problem solver? Will you be an introvert like me? What will you do for a living? Will you be happy?
I don’t have the answers to these questions yet but I do know that you will grow beautifully! You will continue to love music and books. You will rebel in your teens, fall in love and have your heart broken. I know there will be moments you might think your life is over but you will fall in love again. And there will be a time when you will add a new heart-key next to mine. A time when you will gladly give yours away and someone else will kiss your pain away.
I’m watching you sleep. You are reaching for me. Snuggling helps you sleep best!
I don’t want to sleep train you and I don’t want you to self-soothe when you feel lonely! I don’t want to wean you and to let you fall asleep by yourself. I don’t want you to grow faster so that I could sleep better at night!
I want to enjoy every moment with you, with challenges and all. I want to always be there for you, day and night. And no matter the choices you will make later in life, I want to always be by your side, just like I am now!
I wish I could take all the pain you will ever feel upon myself. I wish you would only know happiness. I know that is not possible, and I feel so helpless, it hurts. But I also know that every time you are hurt, my greatest desire is going to be to hold you and take your pain away, no matter if you will be 2, 3, 7, 18, 25, or 35 years old.
You have made me a mother! The greatest gift in the world! I’m so blessed to have you! I wouldn’t know how to exist without you! Thank you!