I left home at the age of 14 to build a better future for myself and rise above my circumstances. Since then, I’ve moved countless times and lived in several countries. This journey has brought me many benefits, but also significant challenges.

I’ve learned to be independent, make decisions on my own, and navigate difficult situations. It has fuelled my ambition and motivation to grow, and I now feel more adaptable and resilient in the face of change.

However, I’ve also noticed some tougher aspects. Leaving home has sometimes left me feeling uprooted, without a true sense of belonging anywhere. This might explain why I tend to want to move whenever something doesn’t feel right. I fear stagnation and associate change with freedom or progress. Sometimes, moving was my way of avoiding conflicts or escaping feelings of failure and disappointment, though I’ve come to realise this doesn’t always solve the underlying problems. Wherever I go, I bring myself with me.

No matter where I move, my frustrations, wounds, and fears follow me, and sooner or later, I’m forced to confront them again.

I’ve even considered moving back to my home country. But I’ve noticed a difference between how I feel when I’m there on vacation, with everyone happy to see me, versus how I feel when I stay for, say, three months. The rosy picture fades, and I start to remember why I left in the first place.

I want to better understand this tendency to constantly move and learn how to manage it more effectively. I’ve started reflecting on my emotions and analysing what drives my urge to leave. I’m trying to identify patterns from the past to see whether moving truly helped or just masked deeper issues. I’m learning to practice stability by creating habits and spaces that offer me a sense of safety without needing to leave.

I also want to invest more in relationships, meaningful projects, and things that give me a sense of belonging and long-term stability in the place where I am—wherever that might be. I know change begins within, and I want to find a balance between my desire for mobility and my need to feel grounded.

 

*I found a photo that I absolutely hated because it captured me at my worst—after a year of dorm life and cafeteria food. I was the hungriest I’d ever been, and ironically, I’d gained about 10 kilograms.